sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
