At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
