Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
