I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
