We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
