i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You made out with two different species that night
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
