I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
