I wish they made helmets for livers.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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