Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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