at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
