can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
