I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
