I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize