I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
