I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
