I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
