You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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