if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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