That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
