shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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