Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
