I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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