If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
