in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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