theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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