stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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