I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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