I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize