we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
