in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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