Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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