so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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