Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
