She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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