I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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