I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
