is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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