I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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