i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
