How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
