were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
