Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize