Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
