saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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