His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I could fuck to npr.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
