I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
