One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
