I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm jealous of your bromance
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
