She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
