Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
