I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
