you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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