I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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