She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
