i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize