I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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