i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
too bad you live with your parents still
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
