This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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