I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
