Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
