Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
