alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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