Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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