dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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