So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
