i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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