doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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