kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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