Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
