did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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