So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
