there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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