The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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