I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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