Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I forgot wine drunk hurts
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
